I try to be happy. Everyday, I try to be happy. I really, really try. I try hard. I try not to watch or read things that may trigger my depression or negative thoughts but it feels like my mere existence is a trigger.
I work hard not to let people see me cry or be upset. I know that’s prolly not the healthiest decision but I couldn’t bear it if others saw me in that state. It would feel like just another weakness that they’d add to the already long list of things wrong with me.
I keep wondering who will want me? Who is going to care about my fucked up life? Then I feel like such a dolt for asking these stupid questions when there are other people who have it way worse than I do, then I feel bad for comparing my life to others and this just goes on and on and on.
I try so hard to be happy and I’m failing. I’m failing and I don’t know what to do.
I am 1000% done with fat activism that doesn’t include double chins, bodies that aren’t hourglass or “pear” shaped, or fat WOC (ESPECIALLY dark skinned Black women).
"Idealized Fat", "Acceptably Fat", "GOOD FAT" is still exclusionary and harmful, and causes a lot of us to continue to hate ourselves. If you’re going to teach radically inclusive self-love, how about you step it up on the representation.